Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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