Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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