I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
