I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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