Your mouth is God's brothel.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
