we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
