he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
