The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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