You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
