oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
