I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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