You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
