I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
