My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
