only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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