I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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