wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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