that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
