I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
