We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
