I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
