i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
