I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
