guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
