i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
