Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
