Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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