The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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