So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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