Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Houston, we have a squirter
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
