someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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