Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
