all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
