I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
