he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
