Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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