Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We got so high we made milksteak
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
