I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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