He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
