my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
