I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
