The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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