he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
