Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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