Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
