Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's get the cat blown out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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