so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
