i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
