if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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