a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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